Strategies to handle a High Conflict Ex

Dealing with a difficult ex can be incredibly stressful and influence the quality of your life for years.  

Let's take your power back!

Click the link below to watch my latest video: 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIkBp74SJjg

When dealing with a difficult person, it is extremely important to have firm boundaries on how frequently you engage with them.  You do not want them to have access to you at all times of the days and weeks - you'll be trading your peace of mind for constant stress and emotional turmoil.  

That's no way to live in the long run. 

You deserve a better quality of life than that!  And you are a better parent when you aren't constantly under stress and bracing yourself for the next problem.  

Click on the link below to watch my latest video, where I outline a few strategies on how to minimize the negative impact your high conflict ex will have on your life. 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mIkBp74SJjg 

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Ways to Minimize the Heartbreak of Transitions

Ugghhhh....transitioning between two homes SUCKS terribly in the beginning!!  Terrible.  Heart wrenching.  The worst. 

I don't even have the words for it really. 

BUT 

It absolutely gets better. 

And it can be managed a lot easier with a few important tweaks to what you are already doing.   

Click here to watch my video now!

Hopefully it helps you stick handle the transitions so that your family can find their way to peace faster :) 

Here's the link again.

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How to get through being lonely

Loneliness completely sucks.  It can lead to feeling hopeless, which makes you despair that life isn't going to change.  

This isn't true.  Life will change.  There is always hope. 

Going through a Divorce is not the end of the world - it can absolutely lead to a better life if you believe it will :) 

Check out my video below for some simple things you can do today, that will start easing your feelings of loneliness.  And REMEMBER: YOU are NOT alone.  

Wishing you all the best co-parents! 

Lisa 

Life Coach - www.lisanicol.ca

 

 

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Master Co-Parenting Communication: So you can finally have some peace in your life! :)

co-parenting Feb 15, 2019

Check out my first set of you-tube videos! :)

Co-Parenting Communication - Less Drama Please!

Please share, like, and subscribe! 

Wishing you all the best, 

Lisa xoxo

 

 

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3 Ways to Improve Communications with your Co-Parent

co-parenting Jan 07, 2019

How do you co-parent without constantly wanting to pull your hair out? 

Of all the things you can move on from or heal from after Divorce - you will always need to co-parent with your ex..

And it's ironic AF that communicating is KEY, when we all know the easy road would be just to write your ex out of your life. 

BUT

Your kids need you both in their lives.

As some version of a team!

So, here's three quick ways to improve your co-parenting relationship Right Now :)

1 - Stick to just the facts about what you need to discuss with your co-parent.  RESIST the temptation to give an opinion or biting sarcasm, or bait your ex, or react to bait.  RESIST the temptation.

2 - always remember your kids love your ex (unless they are truly an evil or negative influence).  So breath deep, when you feel yourself getting annoyed or frustrated and respond with 'just the facts' - text or email is awesome for this - cause you can review your correspondence before hitting send...

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100 Ways to Reduce Stress! :)

How are you handling stress in your daily life?  

The past few months have been very dramatic and shocking in ways I never would have seen coming.  Maybe you're feeling the same?  It got me thinking about how well we manage stress, day over day, year over year. 

You know those sparkling eyed 80 year olds that still seem so young at heart?  That's how I want to end up :)  ...but stress can really age you, it can wear you down quickly or slowly.  It's a tricky one to wrangle.

So, I made a giant list of ways to keep my stress down or balance it out with some healing, so that over the decades of my life I will remain feel young at heart :)  

1. sleep well (6-8hrs a night or on average the experts say!)

2. close your eyes & take 3 deep breaths (in...out...in...out..in...out)

3. laugh

4. read a book 

5. meditate (a super easy one is to just sit somewhere with your eyes closed and become aware of your breathing)

6. smell the roses

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Your Ex leaves you for your best friend – Now What??

Lately, there have been several dads who’ve contacted me about this topic.  So, if you’re in this boat - first off, it’s more common that you might think – and there’s comfort in knowing that you’re not alone in this, right?

Secondly, wholly crap.  This is a huge pill to swallow.  Brutal. 

It would have definitely been nice to have an old friend be an ear for you, as you go through all the shit that goes on as your marriage ends and as you move on with your life.  What fuckin' jerks.  To put it mildly.

Needless to say, please cut yourself some slack.  Walking through this pile of shit will take time.  Don’t be so hard on yourself.  Give yourself time to process it all.  This will require a lot of patience and time.  You don't want to get stuck in the rabbit hole forever.    

Processing it all could mean...

1) taking time off work on sick leave or vacation to straighten...

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How To Tell Kids About Divorce

This is one of the most frequently asked questions from parents in our community - it's SUCH an IMPORTANT conversation you need to have with your kids.

This is definitely one of the hardest conversations you'll ever have. 

It's heart wrenching, it's terrifying. 

You don't want to disappoint your kids.  It's all true.

And it's totally human nature to want to avoid this kind of conversation.  Any kind of hard, shitty conversations really.  

BUT please don't avoid it

Don't brush over it with a rose coloured brush either.

Sit in your discomfort and talk to your kids about Divorce. 

I know that your love for your kids is WAY BIGGER than your discomfort and fear about your marriage ending.  

You can do hard things.  Your kids are looking to you to guide them through this.  

You can do it.

 Ok, Deep Breath. 

Now, that we are clear that you will have this conversation with your kids.  Here are some simple...

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Have a New Partner? When & How to Tell the Kids??

So, you’ve been dating someone for a while – perhaps several months, perhaps years – and the million dollar question is when and how to start blending them into the family??  It can feel daunting, for sure. 

In my case, I’ve been dating my boyfriend for years.  He has a couple kids.  We’ve been discussing how it should go for a while now but we were both a little scared to rock the boat I think – or maybe it was just me! 

My kids are well adjusted to their current family arrangements – a two family home, with a mom and a dad.  No boyfriends, girlfriends or step anybodies to add to the mix.  And that has been a good way to roll for a long time! :)  

It’s been over five years since their dad and I split up and so, in my case, there was no risk of introducing anyone new too soon!! 

Although, from all the reading I’ve done, and from various therapists and parents, the general...

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Are You Living or Dying?

How have your past several weeks been?  They’ve been intense for me.

It feels like a time for integrating a new way of living into my day to day life.  

The universe has my attention on health and where I find joy and love.

I’ve had, what seems like, a lot of friends and loved ones have serious health threats or crisis’s this year.  Near death emergencies, serious surgeries, minor surgical interventions, all mixed in with some of the absolute best times of my life.  The contrast is stark. 

It also has me appreciating and savoring the highs in life even more than I ever have.

This has all got me pondering that quote in the photo above. 

Every day is a choice isn’t it?  You’re either busy living or busy dying. 

And we all know that life is unbelievably short sometimes. 

So, let’s agree to find as many bits of joy and love and fun as we can in a day, in a week, in a year. 

In a life.

Promise me, that...

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