The first year after separation is the hardest, simply because of all the changes that need to be weathered! Whether you initiated the split or not, life is definitely different than it was when you were married. So, here’s my take on 10 things that helped me get through that first year, and into the future:
1 My kids: Honestly, their love for me was really healing. Their love for me and their energy and excitement for life, carried me through some rough times. It was trans-formative. It still constantly inspires me to bring my best self to my life – for them.
2 Old resurrected hobbies: Doing more of the things I enjoyed and rediscovering long lost hobbies or activities I hadn’t done in years, made me happy. It was sort of the start of finding myself, in-amongst all the drama and going on around me with regards to my separation.
3 My routine: Being needed really helped keep me going. Whether it be at work, or for...
I hope that one day, all families of separation/divorce can truly live each of these items wholeheartedly.
1) I believe that you can genuinely love/care about your ex-spouse. You can fully respect them and have a peaceful relationship that includes a healthy dose of respect and loving care. You have a lot of history together and you both have a serious interest in raising your children.
2) I believe you love your children more than life itself. Everything you do - and especially, and likely most difficult at the beginning, how you relate to your ex-spouse - should come from a heart drenched in the love of your children. How can you hate your ex when your kids think he/she is as awesome as you?
3) I believe amazing things can happen when you act from a place of love. It's all about love. Always. No matter what the circumstance or scenario. Do you react from a place of love or hate? It's entirely up to you. Even if the other...
I absolutely love this quote – it helps me remember to lean towards hope and not shrink back into fear. And that’s a constant check and balance I have to make with myself.
I’ve been separated from my ex for just about three years now and of all the bazillion lessons the whole process has taught me, the number one would be this: Dare to live your Truth
Separating a family is so impossibly hard on innumerable levels and affects the children so directly, that if you are courageous enough to take action and separate from your ex (or if you are simply dealt this hand) – then my God – dedicate the rest of your days to doing whatever is in line with your life’s purpose. Separation and Divorce is so messy that you might as well aim to have a happy life after all the dust settles! It’s your responsibility to your children, if not yourself.
In the end, we all just want to feel satisfied and complete in some way....